Energy

I saw a 5 Hour Energy commercial last night. There was an office full of tired white people. The only tired black person was a janitor. I know, right?

Pot

The saying "Pot calling the kettle black" doesn't really apply in my household. See, all our pots and pans, including the kettle, are all grey. Maybe if the saying was "...calling the kettle grey," it could be used, but that doesn't sound right. Plus, if someone says it too fast, it could sound like "...thekettlegay," and I don't want any of that derogatory nonsense in my house.

Yam's

Potato's hot cousin.

AFI

When they were combing their hair, did they even use a mirrror!? ZING!

Gum

When scientists were inventing gum in the 90's, do you think they foresaw the social impact of the product today? Everywhere you look, people are either chewing gum, or asking for gum. I realize that without gum, people would be chewing on taffy instead. Did you know that gum is pink because it acts as a mouth camouflage? The best part about gum is that it collects all those popcorn shells on your teeth. Gum is the chief export of Warren, MI. Every new born comes out thinking about gum, more specifically Juicy Fruit.

Christmas Morning

Is there anything better than waking up at the crack of 11, eating a breakfast your sister made, and not being overcome with undying want to tear open your presents? This is the first year where I'd be OK without getting anything, and that makes me happy.

FROM ME TO YOU, MERRY CHRISTMAS. I wish you, your friends, and your family the very best this year.

Presents

Presents are cool, but so are the presents. The presents are a series of times that are happening right now...


...MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE.