Energy

I saw a 5 Hour Energy commercial last night. There was an office full of tired white people. The only tired black person was a janitor. I know, right?

Pot

The saying "Pot calling the kettle black" doesn't really apply in my household. See, all our pots and pans, including the kettle, are all grey. Maybe if the saying was "...calling the kettle grey," it could be used, but that doesn't sound right. Plus, if someone says it too fast, it could sound like "...thekettlegay," and I don't want any of that derogatory nonsense in my house.

Yam's

Potato's hot cousin.

AFI

When they were combing their hair, did they even use a mirrror!? ZING!

Gum

When scientists were inventing gum in the 90's, do you think they foresaw the social impact of the product today? Everywhere you look, people are either chewing gum, or asking for gum. I realize that without gum, people would be chewing on taffy instead. Did you know that gum is pink because it acts as a mouth camouflage? The best part about gum is that it collects all those popcorn shells on your teeth. Gum is the chief export of Warren, MI. Every new born comes out thinking about gum, more specifically Juicy Fruit.

Christmas Morning

Is there anything better than waking up at the crack of 11, eating a breakfast your sister made, and not being overcome with undying want to tear open your presents? This is the first year where I'd be OK without getting anything, and that makes me happy.

FROM ME TO YOU, MERRY CHRISTMAS. I wish you, your friends, and your family the very best this year.

Presents

Presents are cool, but so are the presents. The presents are a series of times that are happening right now...


...MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE.

Christmas

It's two days away. OMG. What are you getting? I'm getting WAAAASTED.

Wrapping Paper

It's indisputable that wrapping paper is classy, but how classy is using newspaper as wrapping paper? I think it's creative, but some might think it's a last minute thing. Sorry, Mom, I was too busy buying your present to wrap it in nice paper, THERE I SAID IT.

30 Rock

Review:
Funny show. Better than The Office? Maybe.
3 out of 3.

Man

When God was making man (fact), why did he give him hair? The Garden of Eden couldn't have been that cold.

Books

How many books are there in the entire world? If I were to take every book in the entire world, and balance it on your head, you would probably be smashed. Did you know that books usually are printed in English? If I had a dime for every time I thought about books, I would be rich! Books don't make good shelter, but they do make good kindling. What would Jesus do... with books?

Senior Pictures

I think that my Senior Pictures would have been a lot cooler if instead of me being in a suit at the age of 18, it would be pictures of toddler me in a suit. Give those to people, see what they say!

Avatar

It's so hyped. I think I might have to see it. Green screen = good stuff. James Cameron directed a lot of great movies, and sci-fi is cool, so I will.

Time Travel

Has anyone ever tried writing "Time Travel" and accidentally wrote "Tim Travel". Imagine how embarrassed you would feel in front of all the other scientists.

Finals

Today, my final exams went EXTREMELY well, and I'm pleased to say I did well on them. Good luck to everybody in these next few days!

Smoking

There are way too many, "If X people join this group, than my Y will stop smoking." WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STOP SMOKING?

Tim Burton

Did you hear about that Tim Burton movie with Johnny Depp?

Miami

What's the chief export of Miami?

Twitter

It's amazing! I didn't know how to talk to people before Twitter came around. If you don't have a Twitter, you're in the dark ages of technology with Neopets and AIM and MySpace.

New Season of AQCWJ

I'm pretty happy, because I love making the show, and I love writing these brief updates every day. Time to get back into the habit!

SEASON PREMIERE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNP_6UiN0ow

Season Finale

If you're reading this, it is presumable that you watch AQCWJ. The latest episode was the season finale. With the show not being posted, neither will I post updates for blog, at least until the show starts back up. Check back in a while.

I will leave you faithful readers with this question:
Is God real?

Sleeping

If you sleep too much, it will be harder for you to sleep in the future. This will be a lesson I will learn in time. I went to bed at 3AM, and woke up at 1PM. Here's to the nights I felt awake!

Eugene Mirman

His new comedy album, God Is A Twelve-Year-Old Boy With Asperger's, comes out on the 6th! So this brings the total number of anticipated albums to three.

The Good The Bad And The Ugly

Is that about The View?

One Week

I have to wait 7 days to get two albums that I've been dying to hear. These two albums are Desperate Living by HORSE the band, and In The Unlikely Event by The Fall of Troy. Next Tuesday, I will die.

Mafia

Do organized crime organizations have dental plans?

Writing

It's a lot harder to write for your class with YouTube, Facebook, Gmail, Google, Yahoo, Ask Jeeves, and Dogpile.

Tip

Here's something you might not know!: DVD players not only play DVD's, but it also can play a CD.

Blogger

It originally started as a video game project. The whole game was based around a Black Frogger. After some threatening letters from the NAACP, Blogger kept the name, but said, "hey, let's just copy of LiveJournal." And it worked!

Glenn Beck

He's alright, I only really liked Odelay.

Waffles

I love waffles, but I don't like how sticky syrup is. My waffles sometimes overfill, and it goes over the edge, onto the table. At this point, I have sticky fingers. I look like a fool, licking the tips of my fingers.

Andrew WK

He is the only person who knows how to party.

Andrew Willingly Knows how to party.

Mixed Blessing

I found out that class was canceled today... only after I went through the trouble of printing all the assignments.


Monday's.

Hot Dogs

Hot dogs are not good breakfast food, although you can have them for breakfast, I wouldn't advice it. I'm eating them right now, at 11:32 AM, and I'm thinking that I should have made some eggs.

Spaghetti

Spaghetti is interesting. It's hair food.

Nightmares

I had one them last night. It wasn't so much scary as it were worrisome. There were three main details that stuck out to me. The first was that while I was driving in my car, it just continued to fill up with mud until it stopped moving. This was happening in while it was raining. The second major detail was that when I was trying to surprise my friends, they weren't surprised at all, thinking I was too predictable. The final detail was that my face was covered in acne, from neck to scalp. That was freighting.

Music

I love playing it so much. I miss being able to play drums. I miss my keyboard. I wish I was at home with my laptop and microphone. I want to compose another album, I'd be happy composing just one song.

I miss music.

Naps 2

There is a magical place I like to go, it's called Napland. I get to take a nap, I'm refreshed, I feel good. Sadly, I mess up my sleep schedule.

Naps

rule.

Genres

Does anybody look at the actual name of certain genres? Here's some food for thought, think about the actual word for each genre.


Rock.
Country.
Blue-grass.

Bob Dylan

Bob Dylan is cool. He made a lot of music. He has cool hair. He has sunglasses. He talks funny. He can play guitar, piano, and keyboard. He is nice.

Bob Dylan writes songs. He makes good songs. He is an icon. He is a dad. He was Jewish. He had a lot of cool friends. He is cool!

Running

If you live in a dormitory, please don't run in the hallway.

Sneezing

The universal sign of weakness is sneezing. Seconded only by youth, sneezing is the most vulnerable a person can be. I never sneeze. Why would I? That’s basically the same thing as saying, “HEY EVERYONE, LOOK OVER HERE, I’M WIDE OPEN.”

Here’s a tip, next time you see someone sneeze, look them right in the eye. If they’re scared, you win. If they’re confused, you win. If they’re mad, it’s a draw.

Did you know "sneezing" comes from the Latin word "snazn"?

World Wrestling

I don’t know who thinks that wrestling the world is a good idea.

Lifetime Network

There is a channel that everyone should watch, the Lifetime Network. Lifetime is a station with several woman oriented programs, such as Army Wives… and… Drop Dead Diva… and…

Lifetime also premieres original movies, exclusively for women.

Kings

Once upon a time, there were a number of powerful people. These people were called, now follow me on this one, “kings”. Are you still following me? No? Alright, never mind.

American Food

Some people (nobody) come up to me and ask, “hey, what do you consider to be American food”.
“Ha,” I reply, “American food has three qualities:
Fat
Starch
Bread

Here’s some American foods for you:
Hot dogs
Hamburgers

Sorry for blowing your mind.

Green Day

I wish MTVU would stop playing 21 Guns. It's on heavy rotation.

Where The Wild Things Are

A long time ago, someone had asked me where the wild things actually are. I had said to them that the wild things are inside all of us. Inside of our hearts, inside our souls, inside our imagination.

Coffee

Did you know coffee was originally made of 100% cocaine?

Shirts

I was at a house show last night, more of a religious house show. When I was sitting amongst the others, I had spotted a t-shirt, not just any old t-shirt. This t-shirt had two of my favorite things: Jesus, and recycling. The shirt, as I like to call it, is the Jesus Recycle shirt. Why do I call it that? The shirt has a recycle symbol with the words Jesus Recycle underneath. Maybe it said Jesus Recycles, regardless of visibility, still my favorite t-shirt.

Fantastic Four

They aren't even that fantastic. Instead, they should be renamed the Mediocre Four. Mister Fantastic is a laffy taffy dude.

Headaches

Wtf, guys? Why do you even exist? It's like, the whole point of you is to piss people off. C'mon, quit being a dick, headache. Grow up.

Blu-ray

Although it wouldn’t be a good idea, I’m still pulling through with it. Currently, the only video game system with a built in Blu-ray player is the Playstation 3. This is great, but I realize that other systems would be more suitable for such an elegant entertainment format. Which is why I’m writing to announce my participation in an exciting new project.

I’m on the official Playstation 2 Blu-ray team. I hope you’re excited to read it as I was to write it. What we here at Sony are trying to do is put amazing technological high definition with the same system that brought the world such titles at Onimusha and Karaoke Revolution. Although the BRPS2 will not actually be in high definition, the thought is still there.

Imitation

I have realized that whenever there is a great thing, it must be imitated. When Power Rangers came out in 1993, there were slew of shows revolving around the same concept, teenagers transforming into heroes. There were shows with virtual reality (VR Troopers), knights (Mystic Knights), and insects (Beetleborgs, which were my favorite of the lot). None of these shows were as successful as the original, but instead were oft remembered for being "that other show". Somebody needs to step up, create an outstanding original imitation.

Which is where I come in. My new television show focuses on ____ teenagers living in suburban ____. They are living the normal life, when suddenly, a mystic ____ grants them the power of ____. With thier new abilities, the crew must defeat the evil ____.

Batman Review

Batman: Arkham Asylum, best game of the year so far. I think that being Batman is not only a great concept, it's the greatest concept. The sneaking parts are cool, and the hitting parts are cool too. There's only one downside... THERE IS NO DOWNSIDE.

I give it my highest rating:
3 out of 3.

B

Batman. Goddamn Batman.

Busy

Playing Batman.

Batman

He's so sweet. I just bought the new Batman, and I can't wait to play it. OMG I can't wait.

Punk Girl Poem

I'm infatuated, I want to brag
about how much you like Black Flag.
When you put on Milo Goes to College
it shows me how much you acknowledge
when I chat with you
about my Descendants tattoo.
I don't like to see your ink
because it makes me think
about how we would split
over one thing you'd get
because you talked in the tattoo shop
the thing that would make my jaw drop:
Please do not get that
Earth Crisis face tat

Time

I've had this idea for a while. What I want to do is create a device that can stop time for one person. Just that one person would be able to move around freely as everything around them is frozen. This would be great if you wanted to catch up on sleep. All you would need to do is just freeze time for about 12 hours so you don't over sleep until 3PM, which made me feel really shitty!

-

Thought of the day:
I also had this idea of stilts with drills on the bottom, just in case they break, so you could go back to normal height.

First Hate Comment!

Check it out! Sweet!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yK1smxsNyPw

Best Movies Of The Summer

5. Star Trek
I was expecting a lot from this, and it delivered. Fast paced, and fun, this movie had me experiencing the "movie magic" I always hear about. I'm glad these were the filmmakers who rebooted the ST franchise.

4. The Hangover
The four main characters felt real, reminding you of some dudes you actually know. Not only was this the funniest movie of the summer, it was the best movie of the summer to feature Zach Galifianakis.

3. Up
It's really hard to do what Pixar has done, and that of course is creating 10 movies in a row, each one as enjoyable as the last. Up is an exceptional film with enough emotional depth to fill a thousand balloons (apologies for that). It's a movie with a ton of heart.

2. District 9
A divine drama about the tyranny of man, and the cruelty of alien relations. This is one of the best science fiction films I have seen in a while. D9 is so real, you may find yourself asking, "if this happened, would it really happen like this?" I certainly hope not.

1. Inglourious Basterds
Greatest war film I have ever seen. Quentin Tarantino imagines WWII in a very unique way, with memorable characters and superb dialog. It's a war film that is not limited to the time period, which is what makes this film so great, its willingness to stay outside the norm. The heroes, the villains, the plot, the dialog, and the soundtrack all amount to the best movie of the summer!

Inglourious Basterds

Easily the best movie of the summer. I cannot recommend it enough. Go see it right now.

-

Thought of the day:
Go see Inglourious Basterds.

Inkster, MI

Some people talk about how trashy their city is, or what they've seen in some towns. No place in the world can out trash Inkster, MI. To prove my point, all I need to say is this:

Right next to the Inkster Rec Center is a strip club.

I could just stop right there, but allow me to proceed. There is not only one strip club next to the Inkster Rec Center, but there is another strip club next to the strip club next to the Rec Center.

Here's some photographic evidence:




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Thought of the moment:
It makes sense if you think about it. Work out, see boobs, see more boobs.

The Beatles Rock Band

Hip-hop has been burned into peoples minds, making it the dominant genre in today's pop culture. Sometimes, I look back on the music from the 50's to the 70's, when rock was on top. I met this one guy who couldn't name a single member of The Beatles! Whaaat? I hope that when The Beatles Rock Band comes, people remember good ol' rock and roll music.

-

Thought of the day:
Some people don't even know who Bob Dylan is.

Teachers On Facebook

There's something fascinating about being friends with your teacher. I think it's the beer pictures. When you befriend your teacher on Facebook, there's potential to see the teacher downing a beer with some buds. They're out of their expected element, the element of being a role model.

-

Thought of the day:
Teacher's usually keep a flask full of vodka in their desk... but I wouldn't know anything about that.

Living With Others

There are some joys to this, actually, more amusements than joys. At one point, there will be one piece of cereal, this time it was a Honey Comb, just sitting in the hall for an undisclosed ammount of time. Just one piece of cereal in the hall.

-

Thought of the day:
Uhhhh...

Heat

Why does it have to be so hot outside? I wish there were giant ice cubes on both sides of Michigan, with giant fans right behind them.

-

Thought of the day:
It's too hot to blog.

Red Pop

When Faygo was trying to come up with a new pop, what was going through their minds? Did they come up with it on purpose or accident? This could be an "accident drink". During the taste tests, how big were the subjects red mustaches? How do dey get dat shit so reaaaad?

Ingredients for red pop: Red dye, mysterious fluid. It has its own taste (red). How funny would it be if a bull was drinking it? Not very. I'm looking at the bottle right now, and it says "Genuine". That puts me at ease.

-

Thought of the day:
Juggalo's give some homie love to Faygo because it tastes goooood.

Thought of the day (part 2):
Juggalo's don't know how to bury the hatchet (I'm so funny hahaha).

Nu Metal

There needs to be some kind of survey. I want to know how many people had a nu metal phase, weather it be in late elementary, middle school, or even (God forbid) high school. I bet that almost every person I know has gone through a Limp Bizkit, or a KoRn, or even a Slipknot thing. Raise your hand if you are one of the few, the proud, the nu metal crowd.

-

Thought of the day:
I did it all for the nookie.

Across The Universe

A lot of people talk about it, say it's a really good movie. The people who say this to me are trustworthy. There's always a point where I say, 'alright, I guess I'm gonna have to watch it'. I pick up the DVD case, and read the back.

"With a cameo by Bono..."

I put it down and forget I tried.

Sleeping In

If you could call it that. I slept in like nobody's business today. I went to bed at 4 and woke up at 3. O'clock. PM. My life now revolves around sleeping, I think about sleep, I talk about sleep, I even dream about sleep. I wouldn't be surprised if I was sleep typing right now.

-

Thought of the day:
What if life, was all like, one big dream. I know, weird, right?

Prank Calls

Whenever I see "Restricted" on my phone, I always pick up, regardless of how tired I actually am. I was up for an hour last night talking with some prankers. I love life.

-

Thought of the day:
Headaches would be cooler if they didn't hurt.

Kissy Face Fashion Faux Pa played with Waking The Cadaver

Let me tell you about the show. During the Analyst set, there were only a few people moving around, so the singer from Waking The Cadaver came through, just horse kicking the fuck out of everybody. He kicked me in the leg, and it hurt (on the inside too).

T. Smith showed up to Static Age with these yellow short shorts. During the Waking the Cadaver set, the singer was like, "look at how guy this guy looks, you're not going to get laid in that." Sweet.

-

Thought of the day:
It's not a good idea to get only two hours of sleep.

Punk

I think it's punk to not be punk in a group of punks, because it's punk to be different and rebel. Let's say you're in a group of punk dudes (with mo-hawks and leather jackets with patches), you should dress in jeans and a t-shirt (or maybe a suit), because that would be the most punk.

These are some punk pictures.


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Thought of the day:
The first punk was, like, Johnny Cash, if you think about it.

Old Ladies Talking To Their Dogs

Usually when I'm walking my dog down the street, I see a fine lady. Of course, I'm going to start hitting on her. We start talking about my dog, which of course leads to her wanting to pet it. Am I going to say no? I should!

She reaches down and starts scratching behind the ears. Normal, whatever. Then she starts talking to it. Why are you having a conversation with my pet? Most hot old people I talk to think that they're the Dog Whisperer.

-

Thought of the day:
I liked Funny People.

Yelling

If you ever want to get your point across, this is how you should do it! If you're dad isn't lisening, YELL. If your friend whispered shotgun, YELL. Too tired to yell? Try growling.

When someone has to yell to get their point across, I gain some respect for that person. Yelling is an art, in fact, some get paid for their yelling, just look at modern metal.

-

Thought of the day:
Juggalo's are people too!

Centipedes

That's right. Those hundred-legged bastards. Every once in a while, I see one scurry into my room, or across the hallway. When I see one, I am livid. I grab the closest whatever and smash it. WHEN I KILL IT, IT'S LEGS KEEP MOVING (WTF). Needless to say, I hate centipedes.

Here's how it went down last night:

"Oh, cool, I like watching the Daily Show untroubled"
(scurry scurry scurry) "Hi"
"HOLY SHIT"
"How are you doing this fine evening?"
"AGGHHH" (SMASH SMASH SMASH)
"Huh, would you look at that, my legs are still moving and I'm dead! That's so fascinating"
"OMG"

-

Thought of the moment: I distrust most insects.

Cracked Screen Blues

I had a dream last night, more or less of a nightmare. All I can remember was my cell phone screen cracking, evolving into a black void of nothing. Needless to say, I woke up crying. I hastily got out of bed. My phone was alright.

It's things like this, a nightmare, that make me really appreciate my cell phone. This was my wake up call (Get it? Wake up call) for me to stop treating my phone so shitty. In fact I might start an anti-cell phone abuse website. STOP CELL PHONE ABUSE.

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Thought of the moment:
All the good movies are based on books.

Hello

Welcome to my daily blog.

A Brief Update With Johnny,
sister site to A Quick Chat With Johnny.

My mission:
(N/A)

-Johnny